State of Change

Where I am, what I am, who I am. These are things that I thought I knew. Events of the last years have we wondering more than ever. I have been striving to have a life free from the trappings of my mind. Free to be what it wants and be the best at it. Now I feel I have passed a tipping point. Maybe not THE tipping point but one that has given me a freedom I only dreamed of in years past and falsely thought I had achieved through previous actions. I understand now what I have known for years but fought against. In life there is no finish line, unless you count death and I'm a maybe on that right now, there is only perpetual motion. Salmon must swim upstream but I have a choice and I have beeen exercising that choice. One day I woke up and felt different than I ever have before.  Like somebody flipped switch I didn't even know was there. There isn't one thing I can point to but a series of action that have created momentum for change. It has not been easy and sometimes it has been downright painful.  I was so busy being upset that my life didn't turn out the way I wanted that I wasn't living the life I actually have.

In my life

Am I on a ride? Is this real? Who am I? Why am I here?  These are all valid questions. Right now I'm not sure. The recent events of my life have left me joyously perplexed. Until a few weeks ago I thought I knew how my life was going to be for the near future. Now day to day is a constant adventure. I got bit by a snake and I don't know that I'll ever be the same. What courses through my veins is not poison to be sure, but something much more potent than that. Feelings of hope and inspiration that I thought were a thing of the past and merely something to remember have reemerged with a vengeance. It scares me do death and yet I can't get enough. I've met someone that I was sure could not exist. Someone who can't possibly be real. I knew change was coming and I have seen plenty of it in my life the last few months but nothing like this was in the forecast. An impossibility but yet I have never been more sure in my life. How can this happen to me? How?!? I don't know the answer but I am grateful and accepting. So much has happened to me in the last year and so much more to come. I've never felt better or been more scared than I am right now.  An odd combination to be sure and yet it fits together like hand and glove.