More and More

As I grow more comfortable at my new job I find my life is settling down somewhat. My old job was much more stressful and much less rewarding in small ways like feeling appreciated by your superiors and co-workers. Having worked at The Social for over a year before starting my new job at Wildflour Bakery I forgot that you could enjoy your job a lot more than I was finding myself able to do. This has spilled over into the rest of my life and I am able to feel more positive and relaxed about doing other things which is a dumb way of saying that I feel more active since my job isn't draining me with constant mental strain. More confidence and much clearer thinking are two results that spring to mind as I write this post. I am a little worried about supporting myself in the same way I was able to at my other job but until I get my first paycheck I won't really know. I have also been having more positive social interaction lately and even flirted with a girl at a bar. It seems like forever since I have done something like that. What life will bring me still scares me somewhat as I feel another transition coming soon but my ability to think positively about my future is increasing as is my energy level. Not feeling run down is great. One of the best things I have done lately is I have started gaming again with my friend Vesa and my roommates, and we were joined by more mutual friends last week but I am not sure if they will have continued regular involvement. The stupid holidays are coming up which always throws a wrench in life regularity and rhythm. At least I have this blog where I can toss my thoughts out into the abyss and clean the clutter out of my brain.

New Dawn New Day

Dawn is exactly what it was this morning as I slogged to work at 6:15 in the AM finally getting to take advantage of daylight savings time, I guess. First day at my new job and it was fine but felt weird as I still feel attached to my former job and didn't remember that I am not going back to work there until I thought about picking up my check and realized I have to make a special trip cause I won't be there tomorrow like usual. Change is something that has always stressed me out but as I get older at least I can see it coming before the panic sets in. My life is exhausting me right now even though I feel like I am on the verge of making some headway in changing my current lifestyle to one that is full of more creative outlets and focused less on hanging out drinking or whatever and working. That is how it has been for years now. Work and hangout and those have been my priorities and continue to be as working has become more of a mental burden than when I was young, strong and figured that was going to last forever. Now I see me and my friends begin the journey from adolecense to real adult hood with inescapable responsibilities and financial and emotional fears that are no longer mired in the drama of my early twenties. I have no fall back position I am in my position and not full of limitless energy and hope that I thought would propel my life in incredible ways once upon a time. And I am not alone in this position, as I previously mentioned, as everyone I know struggles in some way shape or form to create a life more tolerable and fulfilling. My decision to come back to Milwaukee is certainly giving me more opportunities as the relationships I have here are leading me to new and exciting connections that give me hope of finding my milieu.