Outlet

The last time I saw a good friend of mine he asked me what I am doing creatively since I have not been writing on my blog.  To be honest I miss writing more than I think and I know why I stopped posting on here regularly.  I got lost and perhaps am still lost just perhaps a little less.  When we ignore things they do not disappear or cease to exist they continue on their own.  I began to ignore my daily life and the less I payed attention the less I realized how destructive the behavior became.  You can't change anything if you fail to recognize it on a  daily basis.  We all have problems and peccadillo's that we must constantly work on in order to keep them at bay.  I stopped working on my life.  I have begun again and that is what brings me back to this blog after over a year.  Struggling with certain aspects of my life is something that will never end but I am starting to awaken from a long slumber of bad habits and negative living.  Sometimes I spend too much time waiting for things to happen and then reacting instead of making them happen myself.  Failing to be proactive is probably one of my biggest failings in life and has led me down a path that turns dark too easily and one thing I don't need help with is feeling down and depressed.  Part of me feels like this is just who I am, or at least became or allowed myself to become, and there is no recovery, solution, or anything else that will ever prevent from having lapses in my life when I struggle to maintain my daily life in a positive, healthy manner.  As part of my search for answers to questions like these, a puzzle that may never be finished, I did some research.  Here's the thing: I feel like I don't fit anywhere.  Like I don't belong. Odd man out; or however you wish to phrase it.  For years I have been telling people that I feel like I don't have a place in this world and that there is very little use for a versatile non-specialized jack of all trades master of none renaissance man.  Maybe I'm too smart too function in a world like this.  That I simply see the world in a way that is different than 90% of the people so when I bring counter point or objection or even just an unusual point of view it is hard for people to comprehend, let alone agree with, and when someone feels that way it can make them feel small, stupid, or just plain angry and frustrated.  I am sure I am not alone in feeling this way but I have a hunch that I am one of a small few.