Days go by - II

The last memory I have of being as scattered as I have felt of late is when I was living in L.A. and working six days a week. I felt like I couldn't breathe and I never got anything done. I was so tired when I got home I wouldn't do laundry or clean up my apartment I would just eat and drink, emphasis on the drink. Then for my one day off I would maybe go to the races, which made my day vanish into thin air as it was a 2 hour drive to the races and when I got home I had to go to bed. When I was remembering this while taking a shower a minute ago it made me realize or remember something important. When you don't make and effort to commit your time to interesting/important/fulfilling endeavors it is easy to spend all your time doing mostly one thing. Since I am not in school I don't work full time or have any regular activities that I engage in it is easy for me to get lost in spending my time being in a relationship. Being more active in a variety of things instead of just a few things might help me focus my energy more usefully than I feel I have been. And not just anything; something that will help change my situation and my station in life.

Days go by

All the days seem to run together lately and I find myself a little lost in my life right now, almost out of control. I just got interrupted by a phone call where I explained how that now with a girlfriend to spend all my time with I worry about what I am forgetting and what I am ignoring in my life. My time has been all my own, except for work, for so many years that I never had to prioritize it. Right now I can't even figure out what I am forgetting or ignoring since I am not taking the time to reflect that I once did. I have a very active social life and that used to be the only time I had people to spend time with before my new relationship. Now my social life and my relationship leave little time for my time or as I used to call it quiet time. Time to think, be, do nothing interact with nothing save maybe the tv, which is hardly interaction, read anything and everything on the internet I could find. I don't feel that I am giving up an amazing existence to have my relationship but I want to find a way to balance the rest of my life also.
Today my girlfriend started her new semester of college so I expect she will have less time to spend with me which in turn will give me more time to spend with myself. The fact that I met her right before the holidays and in between semesters of school meant less demands on her own time and more time with me. Given my propensity for throwing myself into things it does not surprise me that I find myself in this situation and I hope it doesn't seem like I am complaining because I am just attempting to understand something I have never experienced before in my post adolescent post college the most adult my life have ever been life.