I have had quite the emotional day and a half as I have had to come to terms with my situation here in L.A. and my recent struggles to find work. Coming to grips with the fact that I am here and really can make something out of this move finally hit me. Sitting around doing nothing is not helping me; getting out today and really looking for work in a proactive way and not just filling out applications does help. I still feel pressure but it is different. Lately it has been beating myself up for not doing more and having negative thoughts about who I am. Today it changed, hopefully for more than just one day, to the kind of pressure I used to feel when I had to finish a paper for class in college. Pressure with focus and concentration. Remembering that I am good at starting conversations and knowing what and when to say it.
This isn't even what I logged on to write about but then the words began writing on their own. I wanted to write about how I write. During an e-mail explaining my day to my sister and brother I noticed how easy it was to compose the message. When I try to write well or be deep or funny I handcuff myself by overthinking what I am doing, one of my specialties. Writing with more of a flow happens when I have something to say and there is no effort or intention to do it a certain way. Since I have just started writing again regularly on this blog I think my writing is starting to come back into shape. I had a discussion about my writing with my friend E$. While I am not a brilliant writer who has crafted my skill by reading other great authors I am a natural writer who has his moments when everything comes together and makes me proud that I wrote it.
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