A Week of Mondays

Reading Vesa's blog which revolves around the idea of "Monday" helped put into focus the way I have been feeling for the last couple of weeks. Failure to get the job for which I interviewed and already slipping into malaise I have been feeling like everyday of my life is like the first day of school and you don't want to go. Once you get older you can decide for yourself and crawl back into bed. Staying up later and getting up even later has turned my world into a very strange place where every day and week are the same. Feelings do nothing but destroy my will. Motivation to live a life of and on my own gives me regret and regret makes me angry. Willingness to control my emotions and the choices I make eludes me and confounds me as I continue to act in a manner contrary to peace of mind. The later it gets to the next day the more I dread it and when the morning comes distraction takes me to 5 o' clock and pretty soon the day is done along with the week and month. Perhaps I have invented some sort of sadistic time machine where time moves forward but repeats the actions of the past. I think they call that insanity.