Transition

Now that spring is upon us I am feeling the changes not just in the weather but in the attitude that it affords. Some will say that it is still cold out and I will say you may still be cold but you are wearing less clothing. That is the true change that I feel when things start to brighten when spring arrives. I can look good again when I dress to go out with style options, both clothing and hair, that are unavailable in the winter months. Winter seemed particularly brutal this year and many longtime residents of Milwaukee have agreed. I felt more trapped, less social and started to feel a little bit crazy as cold weather continued. Now that I am golfing again I am feeling more balanced and less crazy as social activity is increasing and the outdoors is once again enjoyable. There is still a part of me that is restless and anxious about some of the choices I make and I also know how hard I can be on myself. Maybe it is because I am turning 35 but I am less inclined to think an arbitrary number like age can affect me all that much. I think it is more likely that I am feeling a little stuck right now by my life. I love to over analyze and obsess about things and my life, just as I am sure many others have and do, and right now something just isn't making sense or at least feels unsettling. I think I am changing with the weather. Perhaps not entirely because of it but due in some part to the way your environment can spur change such as the famous 'spring cleaning' people do as they air out their dusty homes and flush them with fresh air I too am flushing my mind/body/soul with fresh air literally and figuratively. Sometimes I think I recognize the feeling that I have lately but its more like running into a friend you haven't seen in years who's appearance has changed but you recognize them immediately. The feeling is familiar but definitely unique. It's like I'm approaching something that I can't quite make out but its starting to come into focus little by little. I have noticed patterns in my conversations my behavior and I guess in all of who I am that can lead to clues about what I am experiencing on a deeper level. Interpreting signs in my life isn't something easy. The arc of a particular pattern will vary in length perhaps containing smaller patterns that you mistake for the ending of the larger one only to realize you are still moving inside of it and the end may never come. I feel like I am being to verbose and I often am but as always this blog serves to express my ideas not only to share with other but mostly for my own sake as I can learn something from my own writings that I may not learn just from thinking.

The Man Who Knew Too Much

When is it enough. We study everything these days in every way imaginable. Another test, experiment, trend, tendency, study, commission, committee, theory, interpretation, examination, you name it we found a way to dissect it. Is there such a thing as too much perspective? How much information is helpful and how much is overkill and/or useless? Has our over analysation led to a lack of originality and spontaneity? Ever since we found a way to domesticate ourselves with the structure of society we have reduced the need to focus on the basic tenets of survival and have the luxury of considering the many sides of the human experience with each generation tightening the focus a little more. We used to just have one kind of doctor but now we have specialists that only know how to cure a problem with your foot but you must find someone else to care for the other important parts of the human anatomy. Defining who we are is hard enough let alone defining what we do for a living or our favorite genre of music. When describing some of the simplest concepts one can lose track of the thing itself by refining the definition until you sacrifice clarity of comprehension. Me, myself I am one of the worst offenders of over explanation and I find great joy in reiterating things in a more concise manner and also know I am verbose to the point of obfuscating the essence of what I am trying to communicate.

The Waiting Game

As I sit typing these words I am about to embark upon yet another day of work. When I work in the afternoon it feels like a quasi day off. The day never feels right because I am just waiting for the inevitable coming of my shift. Even if I manage to accomplish some small task I usually 'waste' the time before I work sitting around reading the news on the internet and today spending the last few minutes before work talking to the universe through this blog. Today is special in a way since I am not working Wednesday as I normally would so at least I won't come home knowing I must awaken early in the morning for work. It is always the last ten minutes or so where I start to really fidget wanting to leave but not wanting to be early for work. See you in five or six hours. PEACE!